<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Yellow Acacia and Other Signs of Love by dontcallmeking</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096477">Yellow Acacia and Other Signs of Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontcallmeking/pseuds/dontcallmeking'>dontcallmeking</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, felix felix felix....., king of being obtuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:22:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,346</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontcallmeking/pseuds/dontcallmeking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Flower Disease is the Goddess's curse for feelings of love, tainted by hate and regret. </p>
<p>Or: Felix realizes his love for Dimitri and chokes on flowers. How can Dimitri come to love a man who had always been cruel?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>132</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Yellow Acacia and Other Signs of Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumoa/gifts">Lumoa</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This work is for Lumoa! I really hope you enjoy it!!!</p>
<p>This is my first time ever writing a hanahaki fic, so it was a fun challenge for me!</p>
<p>Beta'd by the beautiful &amp; wonderful <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/barelycoherent/pseuds/barelycoherent">barelycoherent </a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd</em>. <em>The King of Lions.</em></p>
<p>Felix scoffs from where he’s standing, hand resting on the hilt of his ceremonial sword. Byleth places the crown on top of Dimitri’s golden hair. They turn around and finish the ceremony. The crowd cheers, welcoming their new king. A war hero, the savior of Almyra’s king, the defender of the Church of Seiros.</p>
<p>They don’t know what Felix knows –that Dimitri is a broken man.</p>
<p>Dimitri stands tall, his face naturally stern as he gazes over his people. Felix catches his blue, blue gaze from the corner of his eye.</p>
<p>A broken and beautiful man.</p>
<p>Felix feels a catch in his throat. He cuts his eyes from Dimitri, has a sudden feeling that is almost like nausea, and ducks out of the crowd, disappears into a hallway and coughs, and coughs, and <em>coughs</em>.</p>
<p>There are flower buds in his hand. Yellow acacia. Secret love.</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>, he thinks. <em>Not me</em>. <em>Not for Dimitri. </em> </p><hr/>
<p>The end of the war is swift and decisive and the Kingdom, now in charge of all of Fódlan, requires leadership during the current time of turbulence as both the previous lands of the Alliance and Empire adjust to a new king and culture. Felix leaves the everyday ruling of Fraldarius to his uncle (he’s never been particularly good at litigation or analyzing agricultural surveys) and moves into the castle in Fhirdiad temporarily. Dimitri has many advisors, but the one that he <em>needs</em> is someone that with a sharp-tongue, one who doesn’t supplicate himself to the supreme will of the Blaiddyd bloodline.</p>
<p>Felix has found, in the weeks following the war, that he is the <em>only</em> one of the king’s advisors that speaks his mind.</p>
<p>And, now that Dedue is gone to help with the rebuilding of Duscur –along with Mercedes and Ashe –it’s up to Felix to take care of the Boar King as well. This duty he hates, and he finds he’s not particularly good at it. Felix is not a naturally comforting or caring presence.</p>
<p>He opens the door to Dimitri’s study one morning, at around dawn, to turn in paperwork after his morning training.</p>
<p>“Oh! Felix,” the boar says with surprise. Felix locks eyes with him and frowns. There are deep bruises under his eyes and the boar is leaning his head on his hand as he reads over a small stack of papers. Dimitri sits up at attention, posture impeccable from practice, not awareness, and gives him a wan smile. “I already know what you’re about to say.”</p>
<p>“You look like shit,” Felix says, still frowning. “Did you sleep at all last night?”</p>
<p>Dimitri averts his eyes back to the papers. “I was too busy. There are meetings later this week that need ample preparation –not just in legislation, but in an ample understanding of cultural mores and values in those areas. I have a lot of reports to read over and many things to learn. The old Imperial and Alliance lands have different resources and needs than Faerghus. It’s a lot for me to learn in a short amount of time.”</p>
<p>Felix hums, sets the paper he needed to give Dimitri down on his desk, and plops into the chair next to him, rearranging the sword at his hip into a more comfortable position. “Send to Leicester and Adrestia and seek advisors. I’m sure Ferdinand and Lorenz would be <em>more</em> than happy to show everyone how much they know.”</p>
<p>Dimitri grimaces. “I’d much prefer someone like Marianne to Lorenz…”</p>
<p>“Then send for her,” Felix says. “It’s not hard.” At Dimitri’s look, he lets a harsh sigh fall through his teeth. <em>It is far too early in the morning to deal with the Boar’s self-deprecating attitude.</em> “I’ll do it. Hand me paper and a quill.”</p>
<p>“Felix, you—”</p>
<p>“I mean it, Boar.”</p>
<p>Dimitri sighs and gives him what he’s asked for. As he passes the papers over to him, their fingers brush together. Felix withdraws his hands quickly, ignoring the flush on his cheeks –hoping that it’s obscured somehow. A previously rare and brief touch used to not affect him, even after the Disease had begun, but recently… Dimitri has been giving him soft looks, touching him gently and carefully. A hand on his back as they walk to the council room, a pat on his hand when he’s frustrated. Tending to his wounds if Felix is injured during a sparring match.</p>
<p>Felix shakes his head and begins addressing the letters, the only sound between them the scratching of the quill’s tip against rough parchment and the occasional flip of a page as Dimitri continues reading. They’ve had many days like this during the past few weeks of working quietly side by side. Back at the Academy, this was impossible. Even being near the Boar was enough to drive Felix into a rage. Seeing the beast hidden within his eyes, craving to come out and slaughter anyone who would deny him vengeance. It used to make him sick.</p>
<p>Now though… Now his king is who he is. It has taken Felix almost a year to come to terms with Dimitri’s full self. A man with a mind that plays tricks on him, a man with low self-worth, a man who spent far too long repressing his sadness and anger, a man who had looked into the abyss of madness and come out on the other end, guilt-ridden.</p>
<p>Broken and beautiful.</p>
<p>Felix stops writing for a second, looks up under the fringe of his bangs at Dimitri’s face, down-turned to read. Light comes through the window at an early morning slant, from the east, and lights upon the strong, square planes of his face. Something warm blossoms in his lungs, catches. He swallows down the discomfort and then clears his throat with a wet sound.</p>
<p>Dimitri glances at him. “I don’t want to assume but –I’ve noticed you’ve been coughing. Have you seen a healer?”</p>
<p>“No, there’s no need,” Felix dismisses his concern. Really, it was just a small cough. “It’s probably just the cold weather.”</p>
<p>“Even more reason to see someone,” Dimitri argues. “You know that Faerghus winters aren’t forgiving. I wouldn’t want you to get sick.”</p>
<p>“If anyone’s going to get sick,” Felix snaps, “it’s you. Worry about yourself, boar.” He turns to look back over the letter he’d written to Ferdinand, decides it’s fine, and signs his name at the bottom. <em>Advisor to the King, Duke Fraldarius</em>. He seals the letter with Dimitri’s official stamp and puts it in the pile of envoys that would be going out the next day by pegasi. He starts on the next one for Marianne.</p>
<p>“You know that I only say this because I’m worried for you,” Dimitri continues. “You’ve had a cough for <em>months</em> now, since the new year, and that’s only as long as <em>I’ve</em> noticed it.”</p>
<p><em>You fool</em>, Felix thinks. He can never break free of the memory of that first time, seared into him of blue eyes, beautiful and broken. The all-encompassing warmth shadowed by the darkness of guilt and regret and hatred –<em>of both him and myself</em>.</p><hr/>
<p>“The new Kingdom territories are in shambles! No one knows who to look to for guidance!”</p>
<p>“We have to show some kind of union! They don’t trust kingdom governance to take care of them.”</p>
<p>“What hypocrites. I’m sure it’s the previous <em>imperials</em> making a fuss.”</p>
<p>Felix watches as Dimitri’s good eye sweeps between the kingdom lords –Margrave Gautier (trash), Dimitri’s uncle, the Duke of Itha (incompetent), and Count Galatea – who are all assembled to talk about the current affairs of state within the new Kingdom. Count Galatea wants to be given the more fertile lands to the south of them, the Daphnel territory, Margrave Gautier wants soldiers to continue fighting against Sreng, and the Duke of Itha is busy trying to convince the other nobles that there must be some kind of <em>union</em> to unite the Kingdom with the other lands.</p>
<p>“My daughter Ingrid is not betrothed,” Count Galatea says. “I would not be opposed to seeking a suitor for her, Crest-bearing of course, from another noble family.”</p>
<p>Felix and Dimitri share a look. Ingrid would <em>not </em>be happy about her father trying to marry her off again.</p>
<p>“Ingrid serves the Kingdom best as the King’s most trusted knight,” Felix says, shooting a harsh look towards her father. “That’s what she’s best suited for.”</p>
<p>“Are you saying my daughter isn’t suited for marriage?”</p>
<p>“I’m saying that she’s worth more to the Kingdom when seen as the knight she is, rather than being seen as only a broodmare for sale to our archaic customs.”</p>
<p>“Duke Fraldarius,” Gustav says, speaking up for the first time in the meeting, his tone reproachful. Felix sends a scowl his way. He may have done what Gustav had suggested during the war, <em>sometimes</em>, but that does not give the man the permission to speak to him as if he’s a child.</p>
<p>Felix continues. “I am the King’s advisor. I handle correspondences with the lords in the regions we’ve recently taken control of and I know better than you, Count Galatea, what Ingrid’s talents are best used for,” he then turns a withering look to Gustav. “Do not condescend to me.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t mind starting to make arrangements for Sylvain to marry,” starts Margrave Gautier, “Though, he’s a good-for-nothing and will probably make a diplomatic incident.”</p>
<p>“Surely, that’s not what we need,” the Duke of Itha says. “We’re trying to <em>build</em> bridges with our new subjects, not burn them. Of course, the largest show of peace would be to facilitate a marriage between our King and someone with prestige and a solid reputation from either Leicester or Adrestia.</p>
<p>Dimitri clears his throat. “A marriage with a woman from either region may show favoritism.”</p>
<p>“Not if the woman in question is chosen not by you, but by a council of nobles from the three regions,” Margrave Gautier says. He taps his chin, then nods at the Duke. “This could work very favorably, Rufus.”</p>
<p>“I would, of course, like for Ingrid to be considered. If we are given the Daphnel lands, then that is payment enough,” Count Galatea interjects, shooting Felix a dirty look. Felix looks at the faces of the assembled noblemen and feels his heart sink into his belly. His gaze shifts to Dimitri as he realizes that Dimitri must marry. He’d known his whole life that he would –he had to produce Blaiddyd heirs to rule after him –but Felix comes to understand that he’d never fully accepted it. In any future he imagined, as a child before the Tragedy of Duscur, he’d seen just the two of them together –no wife or queen in sight. Felix’s stomach drops and he can feel the cold drips of dread and fear slip down his spine. Maybe he’d found Dimitri attractive for a while, but he hadn’t realized that he was <em>in love</em> with him. Not until their impossible future, his fantasy, is ripped away.</p>
<p>Something hot tears through his lungs and up his throat, as if he’s going to vomit, but it comes from the wrong place within him for that. He clamps a hand over his mouth and coughs. As the cough and the hot feeling subside, he realizes he can feel something soft on his tongue, petals. He swallows the flowers and takes his hand off of his mouth, wipes spittle on the fabric of his dark green tunic.</p>
<p>“Please, the issue of my marriage is something that I don’t think we should be focusing on right now. I’ve called for advisors, trusted nobles and comrades, from both Leicester and Adrestia to aid us in our discussions,” Dimitri tries. He’s looking right at Felix, concern darkening his gaze.</p>
<p>“Allow me to implore you, my King. Marriage is the most powerful way to enforce peace and dissuade conflict,” Count Galatea says. His comment is met with nods from the other noblemen. “You are the face of not only the united territories in the Kingdom, but of Faerghus. It has to be you.”</p>
<p>“Felix,” Dimitri turns to him, clears his throat. “I mean, Duke Fraldarius –what is your opinion?”</p>
<p>Felix takes a deep breath. Dimitri may hate this, and it may cause Felix pain, but it’s what’s best for keeping peace in their country. “They are not wrong about marriage. However, you are the King and should make the final decision. It’s not our place as Dukes,” he adds reproachfully, “to tell you what to do.”</p>
<p>Dimitri is silent, his mouth is pressed in a tight line against his fisted hand. “If you agree, then I will entertain the idea of marriage more seriously. However, as the King, I’m too busy to give this idea my attention.”</p>
<p>“I will do it,” Felix says suddenly. He can’t trust anyone else to have Dimitri’s best interests at heart. Only he loves him. “I will oversee the process.”</p>
<p>Pain flashes across Dimitri’s face for a mere second, before he dips his head. “Are you sure, Duke Fraldarius?”</p>
<p>Felix bows his head. His heart feels like it’s ripping apart inside of his chest. “Yes, my King.”</p><hr/>
<p>After realizing that he was in love with Dimitri, the Flower Disease came on quickly. Every so often, when a stray thought comes to his mind, a fantasy of love between them tainted with the remnants of Felix’s hatred for the boar, hatred for himself, guilt for his actions in the past –he’ll begin to cough, the taste of flora will coat his tongue, and sometimes, if it’s very bad, he’ll spit up petals into his hand.</p>
<p>He remembers his first exposure to the Flower Disease back in the monastery. He had come across Bernadetta in the greenhouse. She was kneeling in the corner, burying something. He had moved closer and seen –flowers, an array of different kinds.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” he asked. While he’d never spent much time in the greenhouse, he knew that’s not how you plant flowers.</p>
<p>“<em>Eep!</em>” Bernadetta had shrieked, leaping around, hands flying to her chest as she stared at Felix as if he was going to run her through with a sword in some weird fantasy of execution. “I-I-I’m not doing anything!”</p>
<p>“I just saw you,” he said, pointing to the newly overturned dirt. “That’s not how you plant flowers.”</p>
<p>“I know that!” Bernadetta snaps before balking. “I wasn’t doing anything, I was just… digging a hole! Oh Goddess, please don’t kill me. I’m innocent, I swear! You’re going to kill me, aren’t you?!”</p>
<p>“Relax, I’m not going to kill you,” Felix rolled his eyes. He had come across Bernadetta a few times before, in between classes –once when he was trying to return something of hers –and she always reacts to <em>literally everything</em> exactly the same way. “I was just curious.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Bernadetta faltered, glanced at the overturned earth, and then back towards Felix. “I…”</p>
<p>“Whatever. I don’t care anymore,” Felix went to turn around and leave the greenhouse, not remembering what the Professor had wanted him to get in the first place, when Bernadetta slipped around him and waved her arms.</p>
<p>“Wait! I… I was wondering if. You’d listen to me. But <em>not</em> here!” Before Felix could answer, she grabbed his wrist and whisked him out of the greenhouse and towards the dorms. She had glanced from side-to-side, suspicious, and then opened her door and pushed Felix inside. She closed it, took a deep breath and turned to him. Somehow, despite the fact that she’d brought him there, she still seemed scared that he’s in her space.</p>
<p>Curious despite himself, Felix crossed his arms and asked: “What do you want to tell me?”</p>
<p>“I’m sick, I think, and I’m scared.”</p>
<p>Felix did not shoot back his immediate thought, <em>you’re scared of everything</em>, but instead raised an eyebrow. “You were burying flowers because… you’re sick.”</p>
<p>“It’s… it’s called the Flower Disease,” Bernadetta told him. “When you’re in love with someone, but… you shouldn’t be, the Goddess will warn you by making flowers grow in your lungs. It’ll kill you –unless it’s resolved in some way. Falling out of love or, or, having your feelings requited, I guess.”</p>
<p>Felix blinked a few times. “Why are you telling me this?”</p>
<p>“Please don’t tell anyone! I couldn’t bear it if he –if he…!” she slammed her hands over her face and screeched.</p>
<p>“Calm down!” Felix said. “Who are you in love with?”</p>
<p>“…” Bernadetta looked at him through her fingers. “Yuri. From Abyss. We were friends as kids but –I hurt him! And now he wants to kill me! I can’t! I can’t be…!” She had choked on her words and started to hack, her small frame was wracked with them, spit and flowers fell out of her mouth and onto the ground. Buds and blooms. Felix kneeled next to her, put a hand on her back because he wasn’t sure what else to do.</p>
<p>“I’ve only told Manuela. She gave me medicine to help,” Bernadetta’s voice was rough and weak. “But it’s up to me to get over it. I have to get over it. Or it’ll kill me.”</p>
<p><em>This will never happen to me</em>, Felix decided in that moment, scared and worried at his own sensitivity. He ignored the stray image of the Boar’s face as it passed through his mind’s eye. <em>I will never fall in love</em>.</p>
<p>In the present day, he remembers that decision with yet another feeling of contempt for the naiveté of his younger self. If only his teenage self could see him now –suffering his love for the Boar King.</p><hr/>
<p>Marianne arrives about a week after Felix is given the responsibility of choosing Dimitri a wife. She is reserved, but affectionate, when she is greeted by both Dimitri and Felix in the throne room.</p>
<p>“It’s good to see you again, King Dimitri,” Marianne says with a small smile. “And you as well, Felix.”</p>
<p>“Please, just Dimitri is fine,” the king says, deep fondness in his gaze as he looks upon her. “We’ve known each other too long and shared too many battles to remain so formal.”</p>
<p>“I see!” Marianne says. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Of course, Marianne,” Dimitri responds. The two smile at each other quietly for a few seconds and Felix thinks –<em>huh</em> because maybe Marianne should be Dimitri’s wife. She has good standing, as she will one day rule Edmond’s lands in Leicester. She’s known for her kindness and ease with animals and is well-loved by her people. She can be meek, but her magic is strong. She’d be a good queen. Perhaps she could even ease the shadowed remnants of spirits in Dimitri’s mind.</p>
<p>She would be much better for Dimitri than Felix. She had always been kind to him. The two leave the throne room, Dimitri showing her personally to the guest quarters and Felix excuses himself. His voice is rough from holding back the hacking that is sure to come. He goes to the courtyard quickly and leans down, palm pressed against the rough bark of a tree and hacks out small yellow buds from deep within him. He wipes his mouth off and rubs his tongue against his teeth to try and rid it of the nasty taste left over. He bends down and picks up one of the spit-covered flowers. He’s never been good with plants, nor does he know anything about flower meanings but he tucks it away in his pocket anyway, takes a few breaths, and goes to the training yard.</p><hr/>
<p>The feeling that Marianne would be the perfect queen of Fódlan occurs more throughout the next few days. She has a quiet presence, but speaks with the shrewdness of her adoptive father in council meetings. She knows what Leicester needs and will assert her opinions with a soft, but powerful voice and elegance that he’s surprised to see. They were never close during the war, and less so during their academy days. She has become much stronger than he believed she could.</p>
<p>But more compelling than her quiet strength is the way that she is with Dimitri. He can tell that they really care about each other, more than he knew. They understand each other, in a way Felix can’t. Won’t.</p>
<p>It’s only when he thinks about himself in comparison to her that he feels the flowers. When he looks at the marriage as something for the sake of Fódlan, he can acknowledge it more peacefully.</p>
<p>Something that he hadn’t thought about, when he’d suggested Dimitri invite friends of theirs from the war, is that it would remind him, too, of the way that he used to be. Felix looks back at his disdain and inability to look past Dimitri’s inner boar with contempt and guilt. He had thought he’d lost Dimitri in Duscur, but he was wrong. He lost Dimitri when Edelgard betrayed them all, when Dimitri lost control of his grip on humanity and became the animal Felix always feared him to be.</p>
<p>Felix is never one to be stuck in the past, but it’s impossible for him not to wonder what it would have been like if he’d stayed by Dimitri’s side, not loyal to the point of self-detriment like Dedue, but if he had at least not been so quick to cut him off before the war, maybe Dimitri’s sanity could have been spared. Cloying thoughts like these –feelings of regret and guilt mixed into a dangerous mélange with secret, impossible love –always bring the flowers forward in more force.</p>
<p>At one council meeting, the power of Crests is brought up by Margrave Gautier, who still believes that it’s not the strength of his son’s diplomacy, but fear of their crest that can keep the Sreng from attacking, when Marianne takes the strongest stance she has so far.</p>
<p>“A peaceful Fódlan is not one where the power of Crests reign and cause undue suffering, but one where people are able to be who they are, who they can be regardless of their status. Crests hold great power, but they also cause pain.”</p>
<p>“Lady Edmund is right,” Dimitri says. “There will never be peace between the three regions of Fódlan without a revised understanding of our traditions and reform of the noble systems.”</p>
<p>This statement halts the argument that had been just about to erupt –disagreeing with Marianne on her own is one thing, but it is still somewhat inconceivable to argue with the King when he puts his foot down.</p>
<p>After the meeting, Felix swallows down his own feelings and approaches Marianne, just before she can leave the council room.</p>
<p>“I was wondering if I could speak with you in private,” he says to her. She nods at him, seemingly confused, and follows him from the room and into a more private corridor.</p>
<p>“What’s this about, Felix?” she asks. “Is this about the council?”</p>
<p>“Not at all. In fact, I thought you were absolutely right. Strength is strength, crest or no. There is nothing more important than acknowledging a person on their own merits, than on some archaic system of glory.”</p>
<p>She nods in agreement and the two are silent as Felix begs for the words to break through the flowers in his throat.</p>
<p>“You may have heard by now, but many members of the council want Dimitri to get married. I was wondering… if you’d consider entering a courtship with him. You’d make a wise and capable queen.”</p>
<p>Marianne blushes and twiddles her thumbs, an old gesture of nerves that Felix recognizes from their adolescent days in the monastery. “Thank you for thinking of me, Felix. I do care deeply about Dimitri, but… I’m involved already with someone back home.”</p>
<p>Felix flushes. “Right. Then I’ll be on my way.”</p><hr/>
<p>Felix is going over the inventory in the knight’s training grounds when Dimitri comes in. It’s late at night, and the room is only lit by a few candles.</p>
<p>“Felix! I knew I’d find you here,” Dimitri greets him. Felix grunts in response.</p>
<p>“What do you want, Dimitri?”</p>
<p>“I wanted to find you. I… realized that we haven’t been spending time together recently.”</p>
<p>“And what would you have me do about that? I’m busy arranging affairs in Fraldarius and trying to find you a wife. I barely have time to think –let alone <em>spend time</em> with you.”</p>
<p>Dimitri sighs, averts his gaze from Felix’s face. Felix yearns to wipe the stress marks under his eye from his face, to smooth the furrow in his brow. He stuffs the urge down. He doesn’t deserve Dimitri’s love. “I appreciate everything you are doing for me, Felix. For the Kingdom. But we are friends beyond that, and I miss having you around me.”</p>
<p><em>Being around you makes me sick</em>; Felix wants to snipe back. The cruel words are on the tip of his tongue ready to fall and to <em>hurt</em>–but he doesn’t allow them. It’s not Dimitri’s fault that Felix is in love with him, wrongly, remorsefully. It’s not Dimitri’s fault that he is so loveable.</p>
<p>Felix tilts his head down as well, looking back down at the parchment in his hand where he’s notating the weapons that need repairs, or the ones that can be forged into something stronger. “I asked Marianne. To begin a courtship with you.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“She told me she’s previously engaged –has someone she’s in love with back in Leicester.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad,” Dimitri says kindly. “She deserves someone to cherish her.”</p>
<p>“She would have been a good queen.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but she’s in love with someone and I –” Dimitri cuts himself off so suddenly, it causes Felix to look at him. Dimitri’s cheeks flush. “Well, I do not care for her in that way either.”</p>
<p>“You care for her. You could come to love her.”</p>
<p>“No,” Dimitri says ruefully. “I think not.”</p>
<p>“Then who do you want to marry?” Felix says. “There are some other eligible bachelorettes.”</p>
<p>“I do not want to marry any of them,” Dimitri responds. He looks shifty for a moment. “No one in Adrestia or Leicester has caught my attention. I understand it’s necessary for the Kingdom, but my heart… it desires to marry for love, one day, not duty.”</p>
<p>Felix scoffs. “How ridiculous. You’re the king. Everything you do for the rest of your life will be for duty. Marriage included.”</p>
<p>Dimitri frowns, forlornly, for reasons Felix can’t read. “You are always here to remind me of my reality, aren’t you? Even when we were children you never let me have flights of fancy.”</p>
<p>Felix knows that they are both thinking of how he’d interacted with Dimitri in the Academy –when Dimitri tried to be human, and Felix reminded him every chance he could that in his eyes, Dimitri was nothing but an animal. The combination of guilt and bitterness that comes from having to watch Dimitri marry and fall in love with some woman in the future that Felix chooses for him overwhelms him.</p>
<p>He had squandered his all of the opportunities he had had to be someone that Dimitri could love.</p>
<p>Heat builds so suddenly in his lungs that Felix is incapable of holding it back.</p>
<p>He drops the parchment, slams past Dimitri, and bolts out of the training grounds. Hacking, he falls to his knees in some shrubbery, the flowers falling out of him in such an array that he cannot breathe. He can almost feel them in his nose when he tries to breath through it.</p>
<p>“Felix!” Dimitri’s voice is followed by the weight of his hand on Felix’s back, hot in the cold night’s air. He shuts his eyes and spits out, through the choking and petals:</p>
<p>“<em>Leave!</em>”</p>
<p>“No,” Dimitri says stubbornly. His hand makes circles on Felix’s back. “I will not leave you like this. What’s happening? Why won’t you see a healer?”</p>
<p>Felix can feel the laughter build up inside of him, it crawls out of him sad and bitter and manic. He spits out, “There’s nothing a healer can do for me.”</p>
<p>“You don’t know that. This could be some kind of plague, or—”</p>
<p>Felix shakes his head. “Be quiet, Boar. There is nothing that can be done for me. I am alone in this.”</p>
<p>“That’s not true. It will never be true. I’m with you, Felix,” Dimitri tells him. Felix can’t stop the shaking of his shoulders, the tears from sliding out of his tightly closed eyes. <em>Why does Dimitri always say what I want to hear, but never in the way that I need it?</em></p>
<p>“Do not make promises you cannot keep,” Felix whispers. Awareness of his own mortality occurs to him at the same time that the belief that Dimitri will never love him and the knowledge that Felix would gladly die for him come crashing together in a horrible portrait of the rest of his life. Felix will die from this. He cannot let go of Dimitri. He has never been able to let go of him.</p>
<p>Understanding the coming inevitability of his own death, Felix decides to leave.</p><hr/>
<p>When Dimitri knocks on his door in the night, Felix pretends he doesn’t hear. He’s busy, writing his will. When he dies, his Sword of Zoltan will go to Dimitri, an old book of Glenn’s on chivalry and knightliness to Ingrid, something that he hasn’t decided yet to Bernie. A knock comes again, louder and more insistent this time. He looks up.</p>
<p>“Enter,” he calls out, quickly moving his will into a stack of paperwork on the side of his desk, not bothering to look at what it is. Dimitri enters, dressed in his most casual tunic and trousers, his hair is messily pulled back from his face. Felix fights the urge to go over to him, stand close on his toes, and fix it for him.</p>
<p>“What is it?” he asks. Dimitri seems a bit awkward.</p>
<p>“As you know, Dorothea and Ferdinand have arrived today –Ferdinand brought some nice ports from the Aegir vineyards. I thought you may want to come and join us for a drink.”</p>
<p>“Why did Ferdinand bring Dorothea?” Felix wonders aloud. Dimitri shrugs.</p>
<p>“Perhaps she just didn’t want to remain in Aegir while Ferdinand came here. You know she loves to be in the thick of things.”</p>
<p><em>Dorothea’s living in Aegir?</em> Felix wonders to himself. He must be missing something.</p>
<p>“The ports from this season are drier,” Dimitri says. “I know you’re not a fan of sweet wines. It may do some good for your… condition… if you were around familiar faces. A night of laughter and merriment can heal, after all.”</p>
<p>Felix sighs bitterly. Maybe if he was suffering from a <em>normal</em> ailment, but with the Flower Disease… who’s to say that a night of joy with Dimitri will not make his condition even worse. At his hesitance, Dimitri comes further forward and reaches out, placing a strong hand gently onto Felix’s shoulder. His thumb rubs softly against Felix’s collarbone, exposed by his loose-collared nightshirt. Felix shivers, and his eyes glance up of their own accord and trace across the blush on Dimitri’s cheekbones. He knows his own face is probably redder than an Imperial banner at this point.</p>
<p>“Please,” Dimitri pleads in his softest voice, a deep whispering of baritone. “Come join us.”</p>
<p>Felix cannot find it in his heart, in any of his desires, to deny the man in front of him. He nods his head. “Fine, but turn around so I can put on pants.”</p>
<p>A red blush floods Dimitri’s face. “Ah. I’m sorry –I didn’t realize you were –” he clears his throat and turns around to face the wall. Felix stands from his desk and goes to his wardrobe, pulls out soft leggings and puts them on.</p>
<p>“Alright. Let’s go, Boar,” Felix says. Dimitri turns to him, his eyes taking in Felix’s body. He moves closer to him and the two leave. As they walk down the halls to Dimitri’s own quarters, they’re close enough that their arms touch as they walk and the backs of their hands bump against one another. Felix wishes he could reach out and intertwine their fingers together –but it’s just not possible. He puts some distance between them, ignores the stupid hurt look that the Boar shoots his way.</p>
<p>Marianne, Dorothea, and Ferdinand are already inside of Dimitri’s quarters, and it’s obvious that the group had begun drinking either with Dimitri before he came to get Felix or after he had left. Dorothea is pouring water into her cup, while Ferdinand hands another glass of wine to Marianne, who takes it with a smile. Her cheeks are rosy with drink.</p>
<p>“Felix!” Dorothea calls out to him, a smile on her beautiful face. “It’s great to see you. It’s been so long.”</p>
<p>“It has,” Felix says, as close to <em>I missed you</em> as he gets. She’s seated close to Ferdinand’s side, who’s long hair is twisted up in a messy bun, his arm around her shoulders. <em>They’re dating?</em> Felix wonders. Then he sees the swell of Dorothea’s belly.</p>
<p>He points to it. “Who’s the father?”</p>
<p>Ferdinand spits out his drink over Dimitri’s table and coughs, turning a glare to Felix. Dorothea soothes him with a touch, but Ferdinand is still incensed, for whatever reason.</p>
<p>“How <em>dare</em> you imply that –” Ferdinand starts before Dorothea cuts him off quickly.</p>
<p>“He’s not being purposefully rude, dear. He’s just obtuse like that,” she seems somewhat resigned and bemused as she says it. Felix puffs up.</p>
<p>“I’m <em>not</em> obtuse.”</p>
<p>Dorothea raises an eyebrow at him. “You asked me, after knowing me for <em>six years,</em> if I could sing. <em>Me</em>.”</p>
<p>All three of the other people in the room laugh as Felix reddens quickly. “How was I supposed to know? I’d never heard you sing before.”</p>
<p>She shakes her head. “I’m just saying –you’re a bit oblivious when it comes to things beyond sword-fighting. Anyway, Ferdinand is my husband. We’re with child. Hence, why I’m not drinking.”</p>
<p>“Congratulations,” Felix spits out, arms crossed. Since when had <em>they</em> been married? As if reading the expression on his face, Dorothea gives him a wan smile.</p>
<p>“We invited you to the wedding, two years ago, but you didn’t come.”</p>
<p>Felix has a vague memory of getting a missive with Ferdinand’s seal on it, but he threw it away. He has always found Ferdinand obnoxious and didn’t have any desire to write to him for the sake of friendship, or whatever other sappy nonsense he’d assumed Ferdinand had written to him for. He also remembers Dimitri coming to him to invite him to go with him to Aegir territory for “the celebration,” nervousness in his hands. Felix had turned him down. If the King was paying Ferdinand a visit, then Felix needed to stay and take care of business, after all.</p>
<p>“I didn’t read it,” he says simply. Dimitri sputters.</p>
<p>“I invited you to come with me!”</p>
<p>“I just assumed you wanted to see how the Aegir territory was doing, or that there was some event you needed to make an appearance at. Hardly something I should accompany you to.”</p>
<p>Ferdinand shakes his head. “Somehow, I find myself unsurprised. Though as a nobleman –the Duke Fraldarius, no less! –you should really make sure that you read everything you are sent. It’s just good practice.”</p>
<p>“Do not even <em>try</em> to explain basic politeness to Felix,” Dorothea laughs.</p>
<p>Dimitri nods. “Felix has never been one for tradition. In fact, I remember a time when we were much younger –maybe nine or ten –when he asked me to elope with him after he learned that I wouldn’t be able to visit Fraldarius as much when I became king.”</p>
<p>“That’s enough!” Felix says with a flush. Why is it that every time his friends are together, <em>any</em> combination of them, it turns into Roast Felix Hour? “I’m too sober for this.” He plops down on the ground, across from Marianne and next to Dimitri, and grabs the dry red port the von Aegirs had brought with them. He pours some into his cup and downs it, then fills the cup again. Marianne sends him a soft smile from behind her glass as they meet eyes. The sting of the teasing is soothed by her kind amusement.</p>
<p>The merriment begins in full, everyone partaking in as much wine as they can –except Dorothea, who is cheerfully watching the shenanigans and most likely taking notes for future teasing material. Ferdinand and Dimitri end up in a heated discussion about horse-rearing, Felix ends up in a heated debate with Ferdinand about weaponry, while Dimitri interjects a few times, but is more than keen to watch it happen. He leans back, close to Felix, is arm behind Felix’s back. Conversations on different types of art flourish between them. Dorothea argues the merits of opera as an artistic medium, Ferdinand goes on and on about horse dancing, Dimitri and Felix speak on the splendor and craftsmanship of weapons, and Marianne becomes surprisingly passionate about the beauty of painting as a medium of expression.</p>
<p>As drunkenness begins to overtake him, he leans against Dimitri’s arm, not unlike how Ferdinand is curled up into Dorothea’s side. He keeps pointing accusatorily at Felix in odd intervals, while spending the rest of the time rubbing small circles on Dorothea’s swollen belly.</p>
<p>At one point, when the arguments get too loud, Marianne stands up on shaky legs, having been woken up from a doze by Ferdinand ranting about something Felix isn’t paying attention to. She bids everyone goodnight, and leaves Dimitri’s quarters for her rooms.</p>
<p>Sometime later in the night, Ferdinand makes a comment about how he’s <em>very</em> dexterous, especially in his fingers.</p>
<p>“He’s good with them, that’s for sure,” Dorothea says slyly, causing both Dimitri and Felix to blush. Ferdinand is past the point of shame and nods.</p>
<p>“I know. It is only right and noble that I can make my wife feel as much pleasure as she gives me,” he nods once more to himself then pauses. “Though I brought that up because I wanted to play the piano.”</p>
<p>“Oh, if you play, then I can sing,” Dorothea says. Ferdinand kisses her soundly on the cheek, a grin on his lips.</p>
<p>“I love hearing you sing, my lark,” he sighs into her lips when she turns to give him a kiss. A roil of envy makes it way through Felix’s body. He wants that. He wants that closeness and devotion. He can’t help but glance over at Dimitri, sees Dimitri look away from him suddenly, as if embarrassed to be caught looking at him.</p>
<p>Ferdinand gets up from where he’s seated and stumbles over to the piano. He cracks his knuckles and sets about playing a little ditty (it’s not very good, though Felix can’t tell if that’s due to his drunkenness or if Ferdinand is actually just bad at playing piano). Dorothea stands as well and begins singing along. It must be a little folksong from Aegir, or somewhere else in Adrestia, because it’s easy to get up in dance to. Felix’s feet are tapping on the ground when Dimitri stands next to him.</p>
<p>“What?” Felix asks as he looks up at him. Dimitri reaches a hand down towards him.</p>
<p>“Dance with me, Felix?”</p>
<p>Inebriated and inhibited, Felix takes his hands and allows himself to be pulled up onto his feet. Dimitri wraps an arm around his waist and the two are off, drunkenly stumbling around the room, definitely not on beat. Neither of them are good at dancing.</p>
<p>Felix can’t help but look at Dimitri, a smile blossoming on his lips, and thinks to himself <em>I could have this. If I let myself, I could have this</em>.</p><hr/>
<p>Dorothea confronts Felix the night before he’s decided to leave. The Disease is in the stages of full blooms. He can always feel the presence of the bloomed flowers in his lungs and labored breathing has become his norm.</p>
<p>“I know what you’re doing.”</p>
<p>Felix spins around, caught in the middle of packing a small bag with clothing, a well-made but non-descript sword, and a sack of coins. “Dorothea.”</p>
<p>“You’re being self-destructive and you know it,” she hisses at him. She stalks towards him, arms crossed over her pregnant belly. Felix steps back from her involuntarily, but tries to cover it with a scoff, crossing his arms as well.</p>
<p>“What could you know?”</p>
<p>She laughs, the clear sound of a bell, and then shakes her head. She looks to the side, somewhat bitter. “I was sick at the end of the war. I don’t know if you remember.”</p>
<p>Felix searches his memories. Dorothea couldn’t take part in the final battle against the Empire. Manuela had said it was some kind of pneumonia. Sudden clarity strikes him. <em>Edie</em>, Dorothea would say, hands held in front of her face, tear-tracks on her cheeks. <em>How could you do this?</em></p>
<p>“You had the Flower Disease. For Edelgard.”</p>
<p>Dorothea nods, gives him a sad smile. “It nearly killed me. I was going to let it, too. I couldn’t stand to live in a world without her. The funny thing is that I couldn’t stand to live in a world with her, either. That’s the thing about the Flower Disease. If your love is pining but filled with hatred or regret, the Goddess will curse you, but letting go of those horrible feelings will help you. Trust me when I say that you can get better.”</p>
<p>“Edelgard died. You fell out of love with her,” Felix says with his most biting tone. “I can <em>never</em> fall out of love with Dimitri. He’s it for me. He has been <em>it</em> for me, for our entire lives.”</p>
<p>“Felix…”</p>
<p>“If things had been done differently. If I had joined Edelgard… If I had joined Claude and Dimitri had perished somehow –I would <em>never</em> be able to be happy. Even when I hated him more than any other, in the deepest parts of me there was love.”</p>
<p>“Tell him,” Dorothea says. She reaches out and wipes a tear from his cheek. Felix hadn’t realized he was crying.</p>
<p>He shakes his head. “I will never tell him. I’d rather die alone than sour his memory of me. I don’t want him to know. I’d just become another one of his ghosts, consuming him with guilt.”</p>
<p>“Pushing him away isn’t helping him either,” Dorothea says. “You’re pulling away from him. He’s talked to all of us about it. He misses you and he cares for you.”</p>
<p>Felix sits down on the bed, belabored. He huffs. “How did you know? About the Disease.”</p>
<p>“I could see it in your eyes,” Dorothea tells him. She sits on the bed beside him. In a moment of weakness, he rests his head on her shoulder and she holds him.  </p><hr/>
<p>There’s a storm brewing outside. Rumbles of thunder ring low over the valley as Felix saddles up his mare and prepares to ride out into the wilderness to die. He’s mounts his horse, who is skittish from the thunder, and nudges her to begin to walk when a crack of lighting strikes him nearly blind. He’s thrown from her back and onto the now muddy ground.</p>
<p>He blinks the stains of light from his eyes and sees the Boar, hulking in the lamp light in front of him.</p>
<p>“Dimitri,” he breathes out as Dimitri comes forward to stand over him. It’s too dark to see his face and his hair is hanging in front of it, soaked. Droplets trail down Felix’s face. He shivers, chilled from the rain and something like anticipation.</p>
<p>Dimitri takes a shuddering breath. “Do not do this to me, Felix.” His voice is rough and sad. “Do not leave me like this.”</p>
<p>“I’m just going to Fraldarius –” Felix starts to lie, but the Boar cuts him off.</p>
<p>“And yet you write a will –and yet, you prepare to <em>die</em>?” Dimitri pulls the paper from his cloak, the ink that Felix had painstakingly used to notate his possessions smears and sludges from the parchment, falling onto Felix as it mixes with the rainwater. “You would leave me the Sword of Zoltan as a reminder of what, exactly? My pathetic attempts to win your favor?”</p>
<p>“As a reminder of <em>me</em>,” Felix snarls. He leaps to his feet, his boots sinking into the mud. “I thought you’d understand. You’d appreciate and cherish it like it should be.”</p>
<p>“No sword can replace you,” Dimitri tells him. He grabs onto Felix’s shoulders. “I would never be able to look upon it if you left it to me after your death. It would do nothing but remind me of you –of what I couldn’t…” He cuts himself off and embraces him with a whisper of Felix’s name.</p>
<p>Felix is crying, but the rain obscures his tears. “Let me go, Dimitri.”</p>
<p>“I refuse,” Dimitri tells him. “I will not let you go when you are dying of a disease that is perfectly curable.”</p>
<p>“Do you even know what I’m suffering from?” Felix laughs. “You don’t, do you? If you did, then you’d know that my leaving is the only way to protect you.”</p>
<p>“The Flower Disease is not contagious, Felix,” Dimitri tells him. “I do not know whom you fell in love with, but you can have <em>me</em>. I will help you whatever way I can.”</p>
<p>“You’re a fool,” Felix tells him. His voice is rough and choked with flowers and tears and snot. “I can never have you.” He buries his face in Dimitri’s chest, murmurs, “Not in the way that I need.”</p>
<p>Despite the quietness of his voice, Dimitri hears him and gasps out his name. He pulls Felix’s face up by the chin to look at him. Lightning illuminates them, the tracks of rain on Dimitri’s face, the beautiful blue of his eyes.</p>
<p>“You already have all of me,” he says, finds something in Felix’s face that turns his eyes reverent. “Are you in love with me, Felix?”</p>
<p>Felix breaks, winces. “Yes.” Dimitri smooths out the stressed lines in Felix’s face. Dimitri surges forward and kisses him, deep and fulfilling. The flowers inside of Felix wither, as if from the warmth of a summer sun, and for a terrible moment, Felix thinks <em>This is it</em>, before suddenly the pain and pressure in his chest breaks apart and he can breathe freely again.</p>
<p>Dimitri cuddles Felix closer, his hands are buried in Felix’s wet hair. Felix encircles Dimitri’s neck with his arms, is pulled into him, nearly off of his feet, until his toes barely touch the ground.</p>
<p><em>I love him</em>.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Dimitri says into his lips. Felix can’t help it, relief at his life being saved, at the knowledge that Dimitri <em>loves</em> him just as he loves Dimitri overtakes him. He wraps himself around Dimitri, alighting in Dimitri’s laugh. His legs come around Dimitri’s waist and the larger man lifts him up, readjusts his arms to hold him.</p>
<p>“Felix,” Dimitri whispers reverently into Felix’s mouth. “I am yours.”</p>
<p>“And I am yours,” Felix says through tears. The two hold onto each other, death averted and love finally confessed into the open air before Dimitri pulls away.</p>
<p>“We should go inside,” he says. “It’s cold and we should discuss what will happen from here.”</p>
<p>Felix nods to himself and lets himself fall from Dimitri’s hold as he remembers that, yes, they do need to discuss what will happen. What will Dimitri do about marriage?</p>
<p>After returning to the castle to bathe and change, Felix and Dimitri sit on the couch in the king’s quarters together, warming themselves up by the fire place.</p>
<p>“Dorothea had told me that you planned on leaving,” Dimitri is telling him, “I went to your room to stop you and found your will on your desk.”</p>
<p>“Leaving was the only thing I could think to do,” Felix tells him. “I was horrible to you when we were younger. I never thought that you would ever be able to love me. Not after all the things I said.”</p>
<p>“What you said was always harsh, but it wasn’t wrong,” Dimitri says. “I became a monster for most of the war. You have always seen me for who I am.”</p>
<p>“I feel like an idiot,” Felix says. “All this time we could have been together.”</p>
<p>“We have more than enough time to make up for it,” Dimitri tells him then leans over and captures Felix’s lips in a sweet kiss. Felix leans in and kisses him back –amazed that he can<em> do</em> this now. He can kiss Dimitri and hold him like he’s always wanted to.</p>
<p>After they break apart, Felix takes Dimitri’s hand and asks. “What about the council?”</p>
<p>“To hell with the council,” Dimitri responds. “I will marry you and no one else. Especially not now that I know you love me.”</p>
<p>“You need an heir.”</p>
<p>“There are plenty of orphans from the war –and Crests are something that I don’t necessarily feel need to be passed down. Besides, there’s always the option of surrogacy if it comes to that,” Dimitri says. “I spoke with Ferdinand and Marianne about my feelings for you. They’ll support us.”</p>
<p>Felix does feel a little embarrassed that Dimitri has talked about him to others, but it does help them in regards to their future together.</p>
<p>“We should wait to announce marriage or anything like that,” Dimitri says after a moment of thought. “It may be too radical for the old men.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Felix says, takes a deep breath. “Besides, I want to court you –with all the grace and love that you deserve.”</p>
<p>Dimitri flushes. “What if I want to court <em>you</em>?”</p>
<p>Felix purses his lips. “No. I’m going to court you.”</p>
<p>“We can court each other,” Dimitri says in compromise. “It’ll be new but this is the dawn of a new Fódlan. One ruled by love and by peace.”</p>
<p>Felix feels, for the first time in a long time, stable and happy. He curls into Dimitri, who pulls him close to his side. The two remain intertwined into the night. As sleep begins to pull at Felix’s eyelids, he looks up at Dimitri’s peaceful face and whispers.</p>
<p>“I love you.”  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Felix being oblivious to everything going on with others is canon because he didn’t know that Dorothea could sing.  Their A support is literally just:<br/>Dorothea: you should come support me in the little opera we’re putting on :)<br/>Felix: maybe I’ll come<br/>Dorothea: I’ll save you a seat! :D<br/>Felix: I didn’t say I was coming. I said I /might/ come<br/>Dorothea: fine then don’t come :(<br/>Felix; you can’t tell me not to come when you invited me &gt;:(<br/>Dorothea: alright. If you’re there, I’ll sing just for you~ ;)<br/>Felix: :O you can sing?<br/>Dorothea, whose personal ability is literally called “songstress”: :|<br/>Anyway, I really hope that you like it! ♥</p>
<p>If you're interested in having me write a fic for you, here is a link to everything you need to know! <a href="https://brokuroo.tumblr.com/commissions">x</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>